OFFICIAL-ISH INCIDENT REPORT / 001
Diana.
We need to
talk about links.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD???
Your curiosity has been referred to the Department of Domestic Cybersecurity. Stefan has been notified. Mandatory household retraining begins immediately.
MANDATORY TRAINING · APPROX. 60 SECONDS
Your internet privileges
are under review.
Complete the training so Stefan won't revoke your home internet access.
DEPARTMENT OF DOMESTIC CYBERSECURITY
Diana is hereby
provisionally trusted.
All three training modules completed.
Household internet privileges: RESTORED.
Certified in pausing, checking
and occasionally ignoring Stefan.
Signature: Stefan
Date: 27 October 2026